New Minnesota Blog

Sitting in class, and instead of learning about professional responsibility, I decided to blog.

Anyway, I just found out today that there is at least one more Minnesota law student blog... and what's worse, the guy was in my section! I went the whole year, and never learned he had a blog (and to be honest, a more thorough blog than mine). Of course, I don't think I've ever actually talked to him either, so there's that.

Update: Dude, this guy's blog is pretty fricken' good! Case in point, from this post:

And my dad was commenting the other day on how he figures I must be bored out of my mind with nothing to do. Um, not really, Dad. Have you ever tried doing nothing for a whole month? It's really pretty sweet.

Or from this post:

I forgot to mention, I was in Target the other day purchasing various items, and at one point this guy comes up behind me and puts some of that Axe bodyspray stuff in his cart. And as soon as he picks it up off the shelf he actually sprays some of it on him. Oddly, women in the store did NOT, in fact, leap at him. I call it false advertising.

Or this post:

And honestly, asthma is one of the reasons I don't believe in God. What kind of God would do this to his beloved children? I'm supposed to believe he was sittin' in Heaven and called the angels to him and said, "Hey, guys, check it out! What do you think about giving some people this condition that, whenever their heart rate accelerates, their trachea inflames so they can't breathe? Eh? Eh?" And all the angels were like, "That's brilliant! BRILLIANT! Big G, you've done it again?" Right. Clearly it is the result of divine imagination.

And all that was just from this week.

And Now For Something Completely Irrelevant

I am in the market for a new cell phone. I have had old Goldy for 2 years now and she has served me as well as a completely basic cell phone can. However, I am getting sick of the short battery life, bad reception in many key areas, and oh-so-monochrome screen and am ready for an upgrade.

However, I don't know how big of an upgrade I am really ready for. Should I just go into the basic color screen flip phone with polyphonic ring tones... or should I be bold and get a snazzy new camera phone? I just don't know. I love me some cool gadgets, but I just don't know if I need a really awesome cell phone because I honestly don't use my current phone that much.

Of course, the real question is do I not use my phone because it sucks, or do just not use a phone that much, in which case a sucky phone is fine for me? Has anyone else made an upgrade to a camera phone? Was it worth it, or was it just a waste of money for something that sounds cool?

Happy to Get a Heavier Law School Workload

I just got a call from "them", and I made Law Review. Hooray! I report this not to brag¹, but merely to inform you so you don't wonder what happened to me in the fall while I am neck deep in cite checking and swearing at professor's who don't remember what article a quote came from.

Yes, I've heard that law review takes a lot of work and that it sucks, and that it's torture²... but I don't' care, because I made it... not so good grades and all. In fact, I care much less that my grades are not so good, because I have a little bit of a feather in my cap³ to make up for the fact that I probably won't be in the top quartile.

But just so I know what I'm getting into, I must ask all you current and former law reviewers, how much does it suck? Like Star Wars: Episode I suck or only Star Wars: Episode II suck?

Update: Congratulations to my good friend M&M Mini, who also made law review. I'm kind of anxious for class tonight (did I ever mention I'm taking a class this summer?) to hear who else has made it, and if any other journals are making offers yet.

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¹OK, maybe to brag a little bit... I did work hard for 2 damn weeks on that stupid petition... and when have you ever heard of a law student who can completely resist bragging about themselves every once in awhile.
²Not to mention the fact that I will have to return one day early from my family vacation for Law Review orientation, which kind of sucks.
³Or should I say "on my resume"

What I Learned At Work Today #2

My company has put an internet block on The Onion and The Daily Show with John Stewart... but not on Fox News.

Huh, I wonder how they determined which fake news to keep and which to pitch?

I've also heard that during the NCAA Tournament, they block ESPN.com, but not during the rest of the year¹. I understand the concept, but if you are going to block things that might be distracting to employees, shouldn't you also block out such time wasters as Amazon.com, OddTodd.com, and Bored.com? But who said corporate life had to make sense?

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¹I confirmed that ESPN.com is not blocked right now, which is how I learned that the Twins suck so bad right now that they can even lose to Kansas City.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Just a tip if you are waiting to hear back about journals and you have a personalty that others may describe as as "worry-wart"-ish¹, don't leave your cell phone at home on the first day when you think they² might be calling. It sucks.

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¹At least if those others were born during the first World War... which back then they called "The Great War"
²"They" being Law Review... because they are clearly better people than you and I and deserve the respect that comes with being dubbed "one of them."

Freak Out (On on Minor Scale)

Yesterday I had my first minor freak out work I had done for another lawyer at work. "What if I was wrong?! What if my little report I just made is going to end up costing the company hundreds of thousands of dollars?"¹.

So now I have to calm myself down:
"OK, breath man! They would not give work to a clerk which can be screwed up royally. And even if it could be screwed up, they wouldn't rely on your advice so blindly that it would end up costing them real money. They would give it to a real lawyer, probably outside counsel (so if the lawyer screws up, they can recoup through a malpractice action)." Phew. It's kind of weird that I worked for 3 years doing patent applications, and even doing some legal research, and I never really had a similar freak out. Anyone else have this problem yet... or am I just being a big pussy?²

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¹Luckily, the matter was for a negotiation on an alleged license breach, and I know what the numbers were. Otherwise I would be saying "What if my advice is going to end up costing the company MILLIONS of dollars?!!!"
²I will stop being friends (or married) to anyone who says something cute, like "Yep."

Thanks + New Link

Thanks to Blawg Wisdom for linking to me in their latest Weekly Law School Roundup (also thanks to Blawg Wisdom for resurrecting the Roundup after Evan at Legal Underground quit doing it).

I have returned the favor and linked to them in my Blogroll. Blawg Wiz has a lot of good advice regarding law school... plus they link to brilliant blogs. Ahem. So check them out.

Pooh on You

It's a bad week to be a voice actor for the Winnie the Pooh cartoons. Both Piglet and Tigger have died.

The wonderful thing about Paul Winchell (Tigger) and John Fiedler (Piglet) is they're the only ones who could play these characters... yes they're the only ones.

They will be missed.

Law Review Waiting Game = Torture1

As reported earlier by Stephanie at Bitterness Strikes Back, me and my fellow Minnesota Law Review hopefuls received an e-mail yesterday with the subject line "Decision Regarding Journal Selection"², which I opened with my heart beating faster and with a little bit of sweat on my brow. But what I hoped was going to say "Congratulations, we are pleased to extend you an offer to be a staff member on our journal, with all the strippers and ice cream sandwiches such a position entails"³ turned out to say "We won't be getting offers out until next week."

This e-mail is just plain cruel for at least two reasons:
1) Don't send an e-mail with a subject that sounds like you've made a decision only to tell us you haven't made a decision. Would you send an e-mail to a 3 year old that said "Re: Merry Christmas!" and a body that said "It's not Christmas yet." No! Don't do it here.
2) We already knew we weren't going to hear back until next week. It was written in that list of instructions you gave us with the petition. Don't get our hopes up to update us on information we already knew.

Thank you... and I can't wait for your call... and I prefer the Kemp's Ice Cream sandwiches where the ice cream is between chocolate-chip cookies.

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¹See Unreasonable Man, Random Complaints From The 9th Circle of Hell, 666 Un. Reas. Man L. Rev. 666 (2005) (describing the author's incredible babiness in waiting to hear back from journals regarding his write-on petition, plus a really kick ass citation, I think).
²Or it said something like that. It's not like legal journals care if you have your quotes exactly right. That's why each of my petition citations ended with a parenthetical (arguing that _____ should be ____, or something like that).
³Or alternatively: "Dear idiot, you wasted 2 weeks of your life to get rejected in a lousy e-mail. Ha Ha! How'd that decision work out for you? Don't bother reapplying next year, as it is not possible for you to improve enough to have a chance of making a journal... that is unless our entire staff, and all of next's years 1L's don't die on September 20, 2005 in a freakish boiler explosion mysteriously occurring right after I have to turn in yet another horribly long cite checking assignment."

Tommy Has Lost It*

Tom Cruise is an expert on psychiatry, at least that what it seems he told Matt Lauer this morning. Here are some of the highlights (according to CNN.com):

When Lauer mentioned Cruise's earlier criticism of Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants, Cruise told the "Today" show co-host he didn't know what he was talking about. "You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do," Cruise said....

[Later on in the interview] Cruise responded. "You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, OK. That's what I've done."

I would have thought that Tom was way too busy making movies and being brainwashed in the ways of Scientology to get his M.D. in psychiatry... but apparently I was wrong.

Tom really needs to learn how to shut up. Call me old fashioned, but I think the only words I should hear coming out of a movie star's mouth should have been written by someone else.

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* If he ever had it.

What I Learned At Work Today

In what I'm hoping will be an ongoing series, today I am going to share something I learned at work today that I didn't know before. Note: These will usually be little observances about everyday life within the corporate bohemouth, not some grand concept I learned about the law or life... for example, here is today's:

There is actually such a thing as an electic three-hole punch.

I don't know why I found this so fascinating, but I did. Maybe it's because the war against laziness is even being lost on the hole-punching front.

Something else I learned (but not from work... from the news). House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL) has what the American Optometric Association has dubbed "Irony Blindness," as well as the more serious "Hypocrisy Myopia," as evidenced by the following quote:

The Democratic leadership priority is to actively engage in the politics of division and distraction that can undermine our national security in favor of a left-wing agenda.

(From this CNN.com article)

Doesn't he see that even if this statement is true, that he is neck deep in "the politics of division and distraction" just by saying it? No? Am I the only one who sees this... or am I crazy?

Enough seriousness. To lighten things up, here are some pictures of puppies!

Our National Passtime Ladies and Gentlemen

2 innings of an upcoming minor league baseball game will be played on XBox, with a couple gamers sitting at home plate and playing on the Jumbotron. This made me cry.

Why stop at two innings? Let's just kick out the entire league and let fat-ass little kids play the entire season. As I see it, there are several advantages to my proposal:
1) Cheaper Tickets - "Team" owners will be able to get video gamers to play for free, and they can pass that savings on to us... the consumers.
2) Shorter seasons - I love baseball... but it takes forever to get through the whole season.¹ With the XBox season, we can knock out the entire season over one long, Dorito and Coca-Cola fueled marathon gaming session.
3) Shorter Games - Video game baseball goes much faster than the real thing. No longer will you have to sit around watching the pitcher scratching himself and shaking off signs and doing anything else to avoid THROWING THE DAMN BALL!
4) Better Graphics - With the advance of technology, eventually video game baseball will be more realistic than the real thing.
5) More Home Runs! - Everybody knows that baseball is more exciting with more home runs... that's why the league has allowed juiced baseballs and juiced-up baseballers to remain in the league (up until this year, when they got caught by Congress). Even with all the league's help, there still aren't usually more than 1-3 home runs a game... but it is not unusual to have 10 home runs a game in video game baseball.
5) Oh So Sweet Justice - It will knock overpaid jagoffs like Jason Giambi down a few pegs to realize they can be replaced by two 3rd graders who can't even spell G-I-A-M-B-Y. Then they'll have to get real jobs instead of getting paid obscene amounts of money to play a game for the summer.

God Bless America.

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¹Although sometimes it has its advantages, like when your local team blows right now, but there is hopefully enough time in the season to catch the first place team when the first place team chokes later in the season.

First Year... Done!

I finally received my last grade over the weekend, so my First Year of law school is officially completed. I wish I could say that my grades were better, especially since I am going to be right on the cut line between first quartile and second quartile (Minnesota only releases quartiles and not class rank, which is good for people like me who have good-but-not-so-great grades). I just have to wait and see if I made the cut. If not, I guess I'll make do... and I'll have to work extra hard next fall to be sure I improve so I can have something to show employers later on.

The only thing left before I can officially enjoy my summer is hearing back about my petition. If I made law review, then I don't really care that my grades weren't great, because I still have a journal feather in my cap. If I make one of the "lesser" journals¹ then I have a decision to make. I made the moot court I wanted (the IP Moot Court), so I won't be in the default Moot Court. I know the IP Moot Court would be a great experience, but I don't really know how to compare a "lesser" journal to a "greater" moot court.

Other than that work is going well... although pretty soon I'm going to have to ask for some more work before I get too bored. It turns out just collecting a salary isn't that exciting... but it still feels nice, especially if the price is right.²

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¹I use the term "lesser" affectionately, but no one, not even the Editors-in-Chief of the other journals, really believe that Law Review is not the most prestigious and "best" journal.
²And for me, it is.

Last In A Long Line (I Hope)

Surprise, surprise... Terri Schiavo's parents dispute the autopsy report. While I sympathize with these poor people and what they have had to go through, I feel less sorry for them when things like this are reported:

Bob and Mary Schindler disputed the results, insisting their daughter interacted with them and tried to speak. Their attorney said the family plans to discuss the autopsy with other medical experts and may take some unspecified legal action.

First of all, at what point between the whole media frenzy about Terri and now did Mr. and Mrs. Schindler obtain their medical training that made them capable of disputing the results of a medical autopsy? Second, what legal action can they possibly take regarding the autopsy? Are they planning on suing Michael Schiavo for not abusing Terri (as the autopsy showed no evidence of any abuse before or after she collapsed)? Are they going to sue to get a declaration that the autopsy is wrong? What will that do? It won't bring Terri back. Are they going to continue to sue on the same issues that were already decided before Terri died? Are they just trying to get some money out of this before the well dries up?

I'm fairly certain I've commented on it before, but I am getting really sick of the overemphasis on litigation. There are very few situations where suing someone will solve your problems, and even in those few situations it will problem open up a whole new can of worms. This sure seems to be just such a situation. Boy, if the everyone would just follow my advice a little more often, the world would be such a wonderful place.

Working on the Chain Gang

After dealing with the corporate machine before starting work I can definitively say that corporate bureaucracy sucks. The time between when my work told me that they were making an offer and the time I started work (yesterday) was almost one full month, and that was as fast as the company could do things. Quoth the Charlie¹, "AAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!"

So anyway, I've been doing actual work for the man this week, and it's been pretty fun (or as fun as working for the man can be). Here are the highlights of day 1:
- Going into the restroom and seeing that they label the little soap dispensers "Hand Soap" (My thought "Well thanks for that, I thought it was Peppermint Scope. You saved me a mouth full of suds")
- The Orientation Lady² making a huge deal about ergonomics, like I'm going to be typing so much that I'm going to get carpal-tunnel.
- Being given three books on the history of the company. (THREE! Not 1, but 3!)
- And the real highlight, I get an office and not a cube! Sweet!

Highlights from Day 2:
- Being dumped with three projects that "Should only take a couple hours" (Yeah, right... my favorite "Teach us about Antitrust and Patents"... "Um, OK, luckily I did my final research paper in law school on that... oh wait, I'm still in law school!")
- Perusing the employee store where I can buy the company's products at below cost. (Sweet! Cheap crap!)

Good times.

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¹Brown, that is.
²Hand to God, that's her actual title.

Hey You, Get Off of My Cloud

The Supreme Court has ruled that it doesn't matter that the Commerce Clause foundation for allowing the DEA to prosecute interstate growing of medicinal marijuana is shaky, they're going to uphold it anyway.

I never thought of myself as being a real big supporter of federalism, but this seems to be a huge case of Congress (and now the Supreme Court) butting in on the State's business. But, maybe I just feel this way because this ruling shoots the hell out of the analysis in my petition where I argued essentially the opposite of what the Supreme Court held regarding the Commerce Clause... albeit on a different issue... *sigh*. However, there is at least one argument I made that would undercut the Supremes' analysis... so that's cool, but I'm pretty sure my minor argument would not sway the majority in its quest to destroy my chances of making Law Review.

Stupid Supreme Court! Who are they to judge?

Who Knew?

Read this story and be honest... which is more surprising to you? 1) The fact that Gallagher hit somebody OR 2) That Gallagher is still touring and doing shows?

For me, I think it would be option 2.

Oh No

George Bush, Sr. has said he hopes that "someday" things might be Jeb-tacular in the White House. All I can say is... crap. All I can say is there is nothing more terrifying to me than having the entire country turning out like Florida, what with the butting into personal family decisions and being able to shoot somebody because you feel they might be a threat. God hasn't been punishing Florida recently for nothing (Four Hurricanes last year! 4!!).