Friday, June 24, 2005

Law Review Waiting Game = Torture1

As reported earlier by Stephanie at Bitterness Strikes Back, me and my fellow Minnesota Law Review hopefuls received an e-mail yesterday with the subject line "Decision Regarding Journal Selection"2, which I opened with my heart beating faster and with a little bit of sweat on my brow. But what I hoped was going to say "Congratulations, we are pleased to extend you an offer to be a staff member on our journal, with all the strippers and ice cream sandwiches such a position entails"3 turned out to say "We won't be getting offers out until next week."

This e-mail is just plain cruel for at least two reasons:
1) Don't send an e-mail with a subject that sounds like you've made a decision only to tell us you haven't made a decision. Would you send an e-mail to a 3 year old that said "Re: Merry Christmas!" and a body that said "It's not Christmas yet." No! Don't do it here.
2) We already knew we weren't going to hear back until next week. It was written in that list of instructions you gave us with the petition. Don't get our hopes up to update us on information we already knew.

Thank you... and I can't wait for your call... and I prefer the Kemp's Ice Cream sandwiches where the ice cream is between chocolate-chip cookies.

1See Unreasonable Man, Random Complaints From The 9th Circle of Hell, 666 Un. Reas. Man L. Rev. 666 (2005) (describing the author's incredible babiness in waiting to hear back from journals regarding his write-on petition, plus a really kick ass citation, I think).
2Or it said something like that. It's not like legal journals care if you have your quotes exactly right. That's why each of my petition citations ended with a parenthetical (arguing that _____ should be ____, or something like that).
3Or alternatively: "Dear idiot, you wasted 2 weeks of your life to get rejected in a lousy e-mail. Ha Ha! How'd that decision work out for you? Don't bother reapplying next year, as it is not possible for you to improve enough to have a chance of making a journal... that is unless our entire staff, and all of next's years 1L's don't die on September 20, 2005 in a freakish boiler explosion mysteriously occurring right after I have to turn in yet another horribly long cite checking assignment."


At 6:05 PM, Anonymous Krista said...

haha, I had the same mini-panic attack when I saw the law review email. As far as the quartiles go, we all need to try to stop stressing and enjoy the summer - I learned today that quartiles won't be published until August.

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Unreasonable Man said...

AUGUST! That's worse then the law journal waiting. That's crazy. How long does it take to put all our GPA's in a spreadsheet and tell it to sort? Apparently 2 months.


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