Readin' The News

I get most of my news from CNN.com (probably not the best news source... but at least it isn't Fox News). Anyway, today's news seemed abnormally deflating (even for the week between Christmas and New Years, a "downer" week as it is).

Dozens Indicted in Alleged Katrina Scam screams the lead story. It seems a bunch of people used Katrina to try and defraud the Red Cross. These people are clearly awesome human beings, but the best part is they did this for less than $10,000 per person. Nothing like abusing a natural disaster for the price of a used Suburu. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that if you are going to prey on people's good will during a trying time in our country, you had better at least be able to get the price of a new Suburu, or better yet, a war.

Judge Tosses Letterman Restraining Order Oh good... I had wanted to blog on this last week. Some nutzoid woman had gotten a temporary restraining order against David Letterman because she claimed they had a relationship and that Letterman sent her secret messages during his show. Among other things, the T.R.O. required Dave to not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering." How were they going to enforce that? But, a sane judge threw it out... my confidence in society is slightly restored.

But wait... NOOOOOOO! "Time to make the doughnuts" actor dies I LOVE that guy. All confidence in a sane world is gone.

And finally, Canada blames the U.S. for its rising gun violence. Sorry, but you should have thought of that when you agreed to join N.A.F.T.A.

"The U.S. is exporting its problem of violence to the streets of Toronto," [an official] said. [He added "Eh?"]

Hey, America only exports what's in demand. It wouldn't be such a big deal if Canadians didn't clearly want to kill each other when they realize they live in Toronto. Guns don't kill Canadians... Hosers kill Canadians.

Draft Dodger

My Law Review Note second draft is due tomorrow. I didn't start working on editing my Note until tonight after work. Now it is 10:00 p.m., I haven't eaten dinner yet, and I just finished a mediocre editing job.¹

Oh well... technically, it is a second draft... and it is in before the second draft deadline. Hence, I am still fulfilling my Law Review requirement.

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¹If my Note Editor is a reader of this blog, I do not mean that what I did edit was mediocre... just that I didn't have enough time to do a full read-through and really work on this edit. Sorry.

The First In A Series

Christmas was good. The Wife and I went down to visit my family in Nebraska. The most eventful thing that happened was a rock flying up and cracking the windshield of her car. It's getting fixed tomorrow.

Anyway, the real purpose of this post is to bitch about grades... or more specifically, the amount of time it takes to get them. I know this is law school, so the professor's, by law, cannot get grades in within a decent period of time... but my classes consisted of a Pass/Fail class, one with no final where all the work was done about 3 weeks before finals even started, and two multiple choice/Scantron tests. How long can it possibly take to get those done? And yet, do I have any grades yet... NOOOOOOO. Will I before Spring Semester starts? Probably not.

Lazy bastards.

Relief, and Additional Scariness

When I received my offer at the firm I will be working at next summer, I went and talked to my boss about the offer and at the time she seemed really cool about it (in fact, during that conversation she even suggested that I might want to take it to see if I might like the firm life more). Flash forward to about two weeks ago when the very same boss came up to me and said "I heard you are leaving us next summer."¹

To which I responded "Yes, I'm going to Paycheck & Large."²
[Kind of Snappishly] "Well, I wish you would have told me about it before you made your decision."
*Mouth gape* [meekly] "Um,³ I did talk to you after I got the offer."
[Not Quite as Snappishly... but still snappish] "Really? I don't remember that."

Which was weird, and a little disconcerting.

Flash forward again to today, when I told a couple of the lawyers I worked with about my decision for next summer. Both of them said that I made the right decision trying out a firm, that my decision was a "no brainer" and that the lawyers I would be working with are some of the best IP lawyers in the area. All of which were good things to hear. BUT, these same guys also said some stuff that made me nervous. For example, they said that my company has an unspoken "policy" of withholding work from any firm that hires people away from the company. Both of them assured me that they were "pretty sure" that the "policy" didn't apply to clerks, but now I'm all worried that my employment after law school is going to come down to a battle of wills between my current company and next summer's firm... and who do you think will win, my current company's money (ka-ching), or my lowly skills as a new associate. Hmmm.

I really hope my current employer wouldn't do something so immature and vindictive that it could get it a guest role on Laguna Beach: The Real OC, not to mention something that will damage its recruiting reputation by completely crippling a person's future employment opportunities by accepting a clerkship with it, but that doesn't stop me from worrying.

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¹For the moment we will ignore the nagging little detail of how she knew I was leaving when I had told no one at the company about my plans
²Firm name changed to protect the innocent
³Yes, I was so eloquent, I broke out the "Um." That's how I roll at work.

Mommy, Why Does That Lion Sounds Like Oskar Schindler?

So I finally saw The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe over the weekend. It was good... and a very faithful adaptation of the book. I couldn't get too worked up about it though. For some reason, finding out that the whole thing is really about Jesus, and the fact that my church kept cramming the movie down my throat (every time we went to church, they were like "You gots to go see Aslan, because Aslan is Jesus") kind of turned me off of this movie.

The best part about the movie was learning which animals or mythical beasts are good (because fighting with Aslan = good) and which were evil (fighting with the witch = bad)
- Lions = Good
- Cheetahs (or were they leopards) = Good
- White tigers = Evil
- Centaurs = Good
- Minotaurs = Evil
- Rhinos = Good (this one surprised me)
- Freaky Gollum-Looking Type Things = Evil
- Foxes = Good (but only if they sound like Rupert Everett)
- Wolves = Evil
- Gryphons = Good (another surprise)
- Dwarfs = Evil

A very informative movie indeed.

While Sergeants Played A Marching Tune

I am done with all of my finals for this semester... HOORAY! Which means I am officially half way through my law school education,¹ and this winter break is me and my fellow 2Ls' "half time." Really weird. I can't believe its been about 15 months since I started law school, and now I'm supposedly a grizzled veteran.

As for my finals, they went pretty good. I only had two actual sit-down finals (my only other substantive class was a practical skills course which only had weekly assignments, and not a final). The highlights include:
- My first final was an afternoon exam, but all morning I couldn't get the fear out of my head that it was a morning exam and I'D MISSED IT! Even when I sat down for the exam, I still felt like people were just tricking me and I'd really screwed myself over. I don't know why I felt like that.
- My Patents exam was either intentionally really sneaky or my professor just can't write a very coherent exam. The problem is, the which answers were "correct" depended on which of these alternatives it was. I choose "sneaky." I hope I was right.
- The Evidence final was actually kind of fun.² It wasn't overly tricky, it was written clearly, and I felt comfortable during the entire exam. We'll see.

Thus ends the first half of my law school career. Sweet!

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¹Although far from completing my legal education.
² Yes, I know how sick that is.

Fear Factor

It's almost Noon... half the 1Ls are finishing their first-ever law school exam. The other half are about to go into their first-ever law school exam. I'm going to go downstairs and watch the insanity. I bet you'll be able to cut the fear with a blunt spoon.¹ I know I shouldn't look... yet I can't turn away.

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¹ "Why a spoon, cousin?"
"Because, it's duller, it'll 'urt more!"

Puppy Pictures

As promised, here are pictures of my parents' puppy. Now all you classmates can quit asking me "Where are the puppy pictures?!"


Isn't she cute?

She's so small

Mmmm, finger.

Yes, that's a normal sized Beanie Baby. That's how small the puppy is.

Evidence Pick Up Lines

Again with the lame pick up lines... this time for Evidence

- Too bad about Rule 404(a), because I would like to use character evidence to prove action in conformity with your sexiness.

- Oh my God, you're so fine I feel near death. Please admit my dying declaration of your beauty under 804(b)(2).

- Your body will always be relevant, because it makes turning me on more likely.

- I'd testify to your perfection, but I fear that it would open the door to impeach my heart.

- Damn, you're fine! You get me so worked up, anything I say right now will be admissible under the excited utterance hearsay exception.

- I'll use 404(b) prove that your modus operandi is stealing my heart while being too beautiful.

OK, so they're weak... but they're fun. If anyone has any to add, please comment away.

Return of the Lame Law School Pick-Up Lines: The IP Edition

I had so much fun with my lame pick-up lines during last spring's Final's season, that I decided to revive the practice for my classes this time around. I admit, these suck... but I don't care, they help me decompress after several hours outlining crap.

Here goes:
- Baby, you are hotter than "anything under the sun made by man"¹
- Honey, you should get a feel of my Blonder-Tongue doctrine.
- Your prior art has all the elements to anticipate my love²
- It's a good thing policy dictates that people aren't patentable, otherwise you'd own my heart³
- You don't have to disclose a utility to me baby, because its clear that your body has the practical use of turning me on.

I'm sure there will be more to come... but this should give you a good starting idea just how lame I am.

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¹This is a shout out to all my Diamond v. Chakrabarty peeps out there... that's right, I said genetically modified bacterium are patentable subject matter! What chu gonna do 'bout it beee-yotch!
²For the romantic patent attorneys in the hizzy
³Another one for the softies.

The Weekend of the Puppy

My parents got a new puppy on Saturday, and my wife and I got to go with them when they picked her up. She is an adorable little wiggly chocolate-colored Cocker Spaniel named Gracie. She is 7 weeks old and can almost fit in the palm of one hand. She is painfully cute, and I will post pictures when I have them (my camera ran out of batteries when we picked her up).

Mmmm... Motion in Lemony

Sorry about the lack of posts... well, pretty much all semester.

After finishing my Note draft in all its Sucky Glory, I had to start a take home project for Evidence. We had to either write a written Motion in Limine¹ or prepare an oral argument for the same motion in limine. Despite my desire to avoid ever speaking in school (Ever)... I decided to do the oral argument, b/c our Professor Evidence said she preferred it, and because then I wouldn't have to worry about all the "technicalities" of grammar, sentence structure, and not using the phrases "A-ight,"² "yo"³, or "Dig"⁴.

So, my oral argument was today... it went well, I think. I can't really tell you about it, because there are some people still doing the take-home assignment (we could pick it up any time during the semester, but we had to be done 10 days after picking it up), but I will tell you that my client was Tom DeLay. I was tempted to say "Screw it... let him fry!"

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¹Pronounced Lim-eh-Nay... or as I call it lemony.
²Example: The evidence should be excluded... a'ight?
³The prosecution's argument is weak, Yo!
⁴Here's the story on this evidence, you dig?