Statutory Pick Ups: No Not That Statutory

In honor of Dean Chen, I bring you the Chen inspired Statutory Interpretation Pick-Up Lines:

"You've had the canons to interpret my heart since the moment you walked in the door."

(Slightly Dirty) "Baby, after looking at you, I'm changing from a soft textualist into a hard textualist."

"I'll make a clear statement of your hotness so you won't have to rely on the legislative history of my heart." (Weak, I know... really weak)

(Gross) "Can I be a Speluncean Explorer in your 'Funnel of Abstraction'?"

(Honoring the "Legal Process Classics") "Baby, you've been Radin my Hart and Sacks with that fine body, so I want to take you back to my place and spuriously Pound you, or else I'll be forced to resort to my Learned Hand and do some 'imaginative reconstruction' of said body."

(To another guy picking up on the same lady) "Dude, she said she wanted to dance with me, have a drink with me, and go back to my place... therefore by expressio unius she wants to exclusion you."

"It has to be a violation of the Rule of Lenity to be that fine without giving us guys fair notice beforehand." (I had to work in a substantive canon).

"*Woof* That way you can't say this 'Dog Didn't Bark.'"

(Also slightly dirty) [Justice Brennan, to Justice Ginsburg and former Justice O'Conner] "Hey girls, would you like to join me in a Holy Trinity?"

OK, so they weren't my best... but some are OK. Good luck to all who still have finals. On to Noodles for some pre-finals grub.

Chen Go Bye Bye

I pause from my blogging of pick up lines for this announcement:

Dean Jim Chen will be leaving the law school to become "Da Dean" at University of Louisville's Brandeis School of Law.

Once again, Minnesota let a good scholar and good teacher slip away (some other recent defections include Prof. Farber and Prof. Frickey who are both at Boalt Hall now). They are quickly becoming the Fox Network of Law School Primetime programming... good shows, but they don't know what to do with them, so they just cancel them.

College Football Continued

Continuing from my mini-rant on Monday about Michigan getting screwed over by the BCS, Espn.com has a cool article about what would happen if the NFL adopted a SBCS (Super Bowl Championship Series) system similar to College Football's BCS formula:

If the NFL had made the move to a two-team playoff model along with college football in 1998, the Steelers would not have played in last season's Super Bowl. The Seahawks might not have either (it would have been tight between Seattle and Denver for the right to play Indianapolis). The Eagles would not have played in Super Bowl XXXIX. The Panthers would not have played in Super Bowl XXXVIII. The Patriots definitely would not have won Super Bowl XXXVI. And those are just the ones that are certain. It's possible that more than half of the Super Bowl teams over the previous eight seasons would not have ended up there in a system like this.

All the playoff upsets, all the great finishes, all the excitement ... it never would have happened. Sound like a good plan to you?

This is one of the better critiques of the BCS system that I've seen. I'm not saying it's right, but it is a compelling argument to me.

Flashback Pickup Lines: Torts

I feel guilty for my lack of posts this semester, and have already gotten one request for the triumphant return of my lame-ass pick-up lines. Since I haven't started studying for my finals for this semester, and since I didn't start my pickup line thing until Spring semester of my 1L year... I will be going back and thinking up lines for those classes which were left behind from my 1L Fall semester: Namely, Torts and Contracts. Today, Torts... later this week Contracts (and maybe Trial Practice)

So here they are... some lame Torts pickup lines (remember, lame pickup lines)

"I'm going to put my hand on your ass. I know it's not battery because you'll consent to the contact."

"You wanna come back to my place. We can play 'false imprisonment' with my love cuffs."

[Dirty] "Your body has definitely proximately caused me to get hard."

"If you slap me, I'll be privilege to use self-defense and kiss you."

"Baby, you're being negligent by wearing that fine-ass dress in public. You're creating an unreasonable risk of sexiness up in here."

"You've committed an assault on my heart, because I have an apprehension of falling for you."

"A reasonably purdent person can't help but want to get with you."

"I may be negligent by 'accidently' groping you... but you *have* to be contributorily negligent for looking so fine."

[Dirty Again] "I'd tell you how big my dick is, but res ipsa loquitur."

Enjoy.

Larceny: College Football Style

As I attempt to reclaim my blogging momentum, I would rather post about things completely devoid of legal significance... so I will post about college football instead. Michigan was robbed. Florida does not deserve to play for the National Championship more than Michigan does. They will get killed by Ohio State. You watch.

Warning-less

I saw a girl on the Light Rail yesterday studying for the LSAT. I resisted the urge to scream "DON'T DO IT! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!" But alas, no warning was forthcoming.

Da Dementors

So I haven't posted in months (or is it years)... so rather than try to get back into it in a serious way, I'm going to post about something inane and (somewhat) pointless: Television.

Was last night's "The Office" one of the best ever? When Michael turned into "Prison Mike" to scare the Dunder-Mifflinites straight I almost died laughing. But then, he said one of the worst things about prison was "da dementors." Gold. And I won't even get into Ed Helms hitting on Pam by singing a falsetto "Rainbox Connection" in pig latin, while accompanying himself on the banjo.