Statutory Pick Ups: No Not That Statutory

In honor of Dean Chen, I bring you the Chen inspired Statutory Interpretation Pick-Up Lines:

"You've had the canons to interpret my heart since the moment you walked in the door."

(Slightly Dirty) "Baby, after looking at you, I'm changing from a soft textualist into a hard textualist."

"I'll make a clear statement of your hotness so you won't have to rely on the legislative history of my heart." (Weak, I know... really weak)

(Gross) "Can I be a Speluncean Explorer in your 'Funnel of Abstraction'?"

(Honoring the "Legal Process Classics") "Baby, you've been Radin my Hart and Sacks with that fine body, so I want to take you back to my place and spuriously Pound you, or else I'll be forced to resort to my Learned Hand and do some 'imaginative reconstruction' of said body."

(To another guy picking up on the same lady) "Dude, she said she wanted to dance with me, have a drink with me, and go back to my place... therefore by expressio unius she wants to exclusion you."

"It has to be a violation of the Rule of Lenity to be that fine without giving us guys fair notice beforehand." (I had to work in a substantive canon).

"*Woof* That way you can't say this 'Dog Didn't Bark.'"

(Also slightly dirty) [Justice Brennan, to Justice Ginsburg and former Justice O'Conner] "Hey girls, would you like to join me in a Holy Trinity?"

OK, so they weren't my best... but some are OK. Good luck to all who still have finals. On to Noodles for some pre-finals grub.