Fact or... Yeah, That's Pretty Much Fiction

As I may have mentioned before... I'm a Lexis and Westlaw points whore.¹ So, every day I diligently log onto Lexis and Westlaw, perform some research, even if I don't need to, and do their "Bonus" tasks.

My favorite is the Lexis "Fact or Fiction," because sometimes it is actually interesting. But my question for today provided an interesting quandry, the real question is

Justice Stevens has written at least nine opinions since October 1, 2004. Fact or Fiction?

According to my search of Stevens opinions since October of last year, this is true... or Fact. But the questions starts out

You have just landed an interview for a Supreme Court clerkship with Justice Stevens.

This is clearly Fiction. Not only is it fiction, but it's comedic fiction... it's so ficticious that it has no chance of becoming fact unless the law schools at Harvard, Yale, Stanford, University of Chicago, and pretty much every other Top 20 school blows up, and all their current Alumni (except for Justice Stevens) melt like the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark² and all of my current classmates who are smarter than me³ die in a freak accident involving paint fumes, highlighters, and crystal meth.

Just to be safe... I answered Fiction.

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¹Well, "whore" might be too strong a word... I wouldn't sell my body for Lexis or Westlaw points... but I might be willing to sell a future interest in my first born.
²I suppose these Alumni could just all have heart attacks... but wasn't that cool the way the Nazis melted? I think it would be sweet.
³Like, both of them... both hundred of them.

One Major Task Done

Today, the first draft of my Note for Law Review was due... and thankfully, I did, in fact, finish my draft on time. All 46 sucktastic pages and all 210 craptactular footnotes are now sitting in my editors mail-box where she can tear it to shreds. Goody.

Unfortunately, that means the classes I have been neglecting for two weeks while I wrote my epic tome on 35 U.S.C. § 271(e)(1) now must be caught up on and *gasp* understood in just over 3 weeks so that I don't fail my finals. Giddy-up!

Update: I just saw this animated image on AmbImb and it is fits the experience of writing a Note for a law journal too perfectly. Enjoy, loyal subjects readers

The Goblet... The Goblet... The Goblet's On Fire!!!

I'm lame, so I went to a midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last night. It was awesome! Yes, they had to cut out a lot of stuff from the book, and yes it felt a little choppy at times because of it, but I was genuinely impressed with how well they adapted the book. This Harry Potter had a ton of great action, and a lot of funny laughs. The actor who played Mad Eye Moody (or is it Mad Eye Moody?) was really good. Fleur Delacour wasn't quite hot enough for me to believe she was part veela¹ and Viktor Krum was kind of cartoonish, but whatever. It was definitely the best movie yet... no real surprise as it is based off the best book of the series (or at least top 2).

The point is, this review is right... and this reviewer is an idiot.²

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¹I told you I was lame
²Shame on you, CNN, for sending a reviewer who hadn't even read the book!

'Til I Got High

For some reason, there are painters all over the law school this week making sure everything that is white is freshly painted so that it is REALLY WHITE! This is bad enough, because us students have to not only dodge fellow students with huge backpacks or those God forsaken rolly bags, but now we have to avoid surly painters¹ and freshly painted columns so we don't get a huge white splotch across my new pants. That, and there are paint fumes floating through the hall giving all the 1Ls a little buzz to go with their stress cocktails. Just what we need... a bunch of tweaked up kids with no sleep who are starting to feel the stress of the rest of their lives pressing down on them.

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¹Oh, don't kid yourself... they're surly!

Umm, What?

From Bush's speech denoucing us crazy, bleeding-heart hippies who are against the war in Iraq in response to critics that have said the Iraq war has strengthened terrorist resistance in the Middle-East:

No act of ours invited the rage of killers and no concession, bribe or act of appeasement would change or limit their plans for murder

The first part of that statement is most likely just plain wrong. I would bet most of the money I have¹ that our invasion of Iraq pissed off a lot of people that were on the fence about us, and turned them into terrorists on their own. I don't really know how it couldn't have, see as how from their eyes we envaded their country and blew most of their shit up.

The second part of the statement is probably an overstatement, and in any event does not address another major criticism by us left-leaning peaceniks... there has been no indication when, if ever, we are going to get our troops out of that blood pit and money vacuum. When you say stuff like that, it just makes us think you don't even want to bring our troops home, because your buddies at Halliburton are making too much in government contracts.

Anyway, Cheers! Happy Friday!

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¹For anyone who wishes to take me up on this bet, know that I have no money... and what little I do have is already spoken for by a mortgage company, the federal government student loan program, and a private student loan company... so you would actually be betting for the right to pay my bills.

Good Morning, and Go See It

I finally got to see Good Night, and Good Luck over the weekend. It is phenomenally good. Probably the best movie I've seen this year.

The weird thing is, I can't really describe what makes it so good. Yes, the subject is interesting (Edward R. Murrow and his public battle with Senator Joseph McCarthy during the early 1950's) and the guy who plays Murrow, David Stathairn, was really amazing. It's just really good. No flash, nothing fancy, just a well written movie with really good acting. Go see it.

Air Force Onion

Remember how the lame-O White House told The Onion to stop using the Presidential seal because Federal law prohibits the seal from being used by "commercial ventures or products in any way that suggests presidential support or endorsement." Well, last week's Onion "retaliated." First, by writing an article entitled Bush Orders Mass Bald Eagle Slaughter To Stop Spread Of Bird Flu, which, like any Onion article is funny enough... especially since it is an article about the President personally eradicating Bald Eagles to prevent avian flu. But, to me, the funniest part is the last paragraph:

The Office Of The White House Counsel, which oversees the usage of all executive-branch insignias, is expected to approve a new eagle-free presidential seal as early as next week.

Hmmm.... I wonder if next week's Onion might have a new and improved "Presidential Seal" which allows them to use the seal without using the seal. As usual, The Onion is hilarious, and in the process outsmarts the White House while giving them a mighty "Fuck You!" Brilliant.

A Matter of Public Opinion

The "debate" between Evolution and "Intelligent" Design rages on. Here's a quote from an ID¹ proponent

Calvert said museum exhibits such as the one in Lawrence are flawed because they ask visitors to believe humans evolved randomly, with no specific purpose or design by a higher power -- a theory polls show a majority of Americans do not believe.

I didn't realize that the opinion of a majority of Americans was the deciding factor in a scientific inquiry.

Does that mean back in 1492, before Columbus sailed the Ocean blue, that when the vast majority of the world's population thought the Earth was flat... the Earth actually was flat? Or back when we all thought that a solar eclipse was a giant snake swallowing the sun², that Snakey really was up their chowing down? Was it a public opinion poll that allowed Watson and Crick to determine the structure of DNA, and not really them stealing data (and a share of the Nobel prize³) from Rosiland Franklin?

Damn, why did I study so hard in my organic chemistry class when I could have just went out into the quad and asked a representative sample of people "Excuse me... How do you synthesize methyl-ethyl ketone?"!

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¹That's ID for "Intelligent Design." Not to be confused with ED (Erectile Dysfunction... Ha Ha, Erect)
²Or whatever the crap it was
³I know, she died before they got the Nobel Prize, and they don't give out posthumous Nobels... but that doesn't change the fact that Watson was a dick... there I said it.

Holy Crap! It's November!

You think I would have learned from the fire drill that was November 2004 (aka Mike's 1L trudge of death)... but crap, I have just over a month until exams... and I still have to write a law review Note and complete a Motion in Limine for Evidence. Crap, CRAP, CRAP!