Friday, July 14, 2006

Dental Hygenist... or Passive-Aggressive Masochist?

I don't floss. I know that's bad, but I don't do it. Do you know why? Because I don't get cavities anyway, and every six months I pay someone (or more accurately, my insurance company pays someone) to clean between my teeth anyway.

Of course, I must pay for my refusal to floss. Usually, my tribute is limited to being made to feel guilty for not flossing. The coversation usually goes something like this:

Dental Hygenist (or "The Lady [or man] With the Hook"): Your teeth look nice. You must floss regularly.
Me: Actually no, only occcasionally1
Hook Lady: (stern look on her otherwise pleasant face) Oh. You really should floss more
Me: I know. I'm sorry.2

Then she cleans my teeth and everyone is happy. I'm happy because my teeth are clean. She's happy because she got to admonish another patient for his slovenly dental care.

But yesterday I went to the dentist, and after the standard "You don't floss... well you should" routine, this particular Hook Lady smiled very nicely and with an extraordinarily pleasant voice said "Let's get started," and proceeded to attack my gums with her hook like an Amazon would attack the jungle with a machete. Several times I could taste the blood. Was this brutal hooking this woman's vengeance for my lack of flossing? Was this behavior sanctioned by her dentist/supervisor? Would I be able to make it to a doctor before passing out for loss of blood?

The swelling in my gums has finally gone down, and I think I've washed the last of the blood out of my mouth... and I'm thinking that I might seriously consider flossing in the future.

At least until next week.

1 This is code for "Never." I'd feel guilty about lying, but they know this is code for "Never" so it's cool.
2 This is code for "I'm not sorry, and I'm still not going to floss." Again, they know this, so we're all good.


At 11:43 PM, Blogger Iheartprettyteeth said...

Passive-aggressive masochist.....Tsk, tsk....flossing IS actually important.

At 8:13 PM, Blogger biff said...

A partner told me once that he closed a deal while having his teeth cleaned. He wore a headset. He didn't say much, but he was there throughout the whole thing.

At 3:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Though you don't get cavities, one really good reason to floss regularly is that doing so drastically reduces your chances of heart disease. Funny links, those health things.

At 4:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wouldn't she be a passive-aggressive sadist?

At 9:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

are you dead? where did you go? are ALL the mn bloggers quitting now? how am i to procrastinate?

At 8:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not flossing is absolutely disgusting. Enjoy your heart disease.


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