Who Are You To Grade Me?

Last night, I had a dream about grades. Actually it was more of a nightmare (or at least the lame "scary" dream that passes for a law school nightmare, much like the weekly bar review passes as a "social life" for law students, hardly adequate for the normal population, but for us it is enough). First, they gave me a piece of paper that said "Civ Pro A+, Contracts A, Constitutional Law A+, Torts A+++ (you really "battered" me with your awesome exam, I was "falsely imprisoned," I was so captivated by its brilliance." Just as I started to jump up and down they said... "Oh I'm sorry, you said your name was 'Unreasonable Man,' we accidentally gave you Reasonable Man's grades. Here's yours." And then they snatched the glory in my hand¹ and replaced it with "Civ Pro B (barely), Contracts C, Constitutional Law A², Torts C." Suck!

Then, in my dream, I go up to my Contracts professor and ask to go through my exam to see if I can pick up enough points to maybe squeak into a B. She tells me that she was very impressed with my exam, but unfortunately I got a 91 (which would be an A), and so did someone else, and for her exams if two people get the exact same score, she switches the digits, so we each get a 19! And instead of going through the exam, she starts holding up flash cards of minor celebrities asking me to identify them. "Oh, is that Henny Youngman or Abe Vigoda... I always mix those two up." When that fails to satisfy her need to torture me, she agrees to gamble for my grade. She will give me the A I deserve if I win a hand of 7-card Stud³, but when she deals my cards out, my up cards are 2369 (all different suits), and all of my down cards are either Uno cards or "See and Spell Elmo" cards. Arg!

I have weird dreams.

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¹And I swear, in my dream I heard the lady utter "Yoink"
²Because apparently even in my nightmares, my competitive personality can't even admit that I won't get at least one A.
³Of course, it couldn't be Texas Hold 'em, which I've been playing with my family all break long.