Expensive Weight Loss Program

I weighed myself yesterday (I don't know why, I just did), and I've lost twenty pounds since starting law school. Twenty pounds!!! I think it is from a combination of the following factors:
1. Missing lunches - I have had a bad habit of forgetting to pack lunches (like I did today) and then just eating nothing. Although many of the student groups here have meetings with free lunch inclued, there is only so much free Papa John's pizza I can eat while sitting through meetings I'm not interested in.
2. Stress - Although I haven't been hugely stressed out, I have experienced some extra stress over the past few weeks.
3. Lugging weight around - I am now forced to carry around a backpack filled with heavy books and a laptop... which probably burns a few extra calories over just sitting around on my ass.

The good news is I think I've stumbled upon the next great diet craze. Move over Atkins, make way for the "Law School Diet" (also known as the "Life's No Day at the South Beach South Diet"). You too can lose as much as twenty pounds in just four short weeks. Just "enroll" in the Law School Diet and watch those inches disappear from your waistline, and those thousands of dollars disappear from your bank account. As an added bonus, you will get several heavy, overpriced casebooks (soon to be filled with highlighted text that is of little use to you in the future... don't worry you can sell these books back at the end of each "semester" at a huge loss... yeah!). Act now and you will also receive a set of matching bags... under each of your eyes from the lack of sleep you will get. Act now, spots are limited!

Don't be the only one on your block to miss out on that svelte, washed out look that will be all the rage in law libraries and summer associatships across the country... nay, the world!!*

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* Warning* the Law School Diet may cause exhaustion, dry mouth, social anxiety disorder, loss of ability to relate to normal human beings, increased interest in what Justice Learned Hand has to say, severe impairment of sense of humor, rickets, loss of perspective, poor judgment, lack of jurisdiction (both subject matter and personal), scurvy, taking jokes WAY to far, and other problems of a physical, medical, emotional, mental, spiritual, cultural, comical, and musical nature. Consult a physician, priest, rabbi, parent, advisor, shrink and your own common sense before starting the Law School Diet. The proprietors of the Law School Diet disavow all liability for any damage caused as a result of the Law School Diet, you have been warned... don't sue us... please.